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  1. White Bean And Marinated Artichoke Spread

    August 8, 2014 by admin



    I’m calling this one a spread because it’s pretty thick. Now, if you’re like me and you go to Costco, you sometimes grab those mega two jars of marinated artichoke hearts. I love them as part of a snack, or chopped into salads (I use the oil as the dressing with a little balsamic vinegar). I even have a great chicken and mushroom recipe I use them for. But. BUT I haven’t found marinated artichoke hearts in any dip. It’s always the canned artichoke hearts that you chop up and mix with mayo and cheese and back. (Recipe HERE). I did an extensive internet search and found a few recipes that mixed artichoke hearts (plain) with white beans. Could I do this but use MARINATED artichokes? Yes. Yes, I could. And the result is terrific. We had friends over and the gentleman liked it so much he smeared it on his burger. That says a lot I think…when you’re will to smear.





    Seriously, you probably have all this stuff in your house, especially if you’re a food hoarder.

    Lemon, garlic, olive oil, cannellini beans, marinated artichoke hearts, rosemary, and Parmesan.



    Drain and rinse the beans, put everything into a food processor. Press START and pulse that muther till it’s smooth. Easiest spread ever.


    Step one, put everything in the food processor. I like to zap the garlic first and then add ingredients.

    Step one, put everything in the food processor. I like to zap the garlic first and then add ingredients.


    Use your *magic* to make it smooth. By magic, I mean electricity.

    Use your *magic* to make it smooth. By magic, I mean electricity.


    Put it in a pretty bowl.

    Put it in a pretty bowl.



    I give this five pretzels because it’s easy, quick, you probably have the ingredients, it’s healthy, you can use it in sandwiches, and people who like hummus will like it. The hint of rosemary brings a little garden-freshness to it, lemon adds sunlight, and the marinade on the artichoke hearts is just lovely.

    Here’s the recipe if you want to print it out:

    White Bean And Marinated Artichoke Spread
    An easy dip/spread that uses marinated artichoke hearts.
    • 1 can (15 oz.) cannellini beans,drained
    • 1 cup marinated artichoke hearts, drained
    • 1 small clove garlic, chopped (about one tsp. chopped garlic)
    • 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice (really, to taste. Start with one and then add more.)
    • 2 tablespoons olive oil
    • 3 tablespoons freshly grated Parmesan cheese
    1. Put it all in a food processor and blend until smooth.
    2. Serve with bruschetta, pita chips, pita bread, crudités, or on a sandwich.
    3. Keeps in the fridge for about five days.



  2. Chip Dip

    July 27, 2014 by admin



    We had friends over today and I thrust two new dips on them to try. They didn’t appreciate being THRUST at, but they did like the dips. I’ll post the second one soon. (It’s a bean dip.) Today’s dip is…drum roll…Chip Dip! Or, if you want to be all hipster/hoity-toity you could call it Caramelized Onion and Goat Cheese Dip. I called it that at first and then I said, ah, fuck it. It’s Chip Dip. This is from CHOW. But if it’s too much effort to go to their site, the recipe will follow the pictures.





    • 1 tablespoon olive oil
    • 1 medium yellow onion, medium dice (about 2 cups)
    • 1 medium garlic clove, finely chopped
    • 1 cup sour cream
    • 4 ounces goat cheese
    • 1/4 cup finely chopped fresh chives



    1. This is actually a pretty easy dip, but it does require caramelizing onions. Basically, you chop the onions in a food processor because doing it by hand is too much effort. Then you put them in a pan that’s heated and has a dollop of butter or olive oil. Then you cook them on a lower setting for about 20 minutes. Your entire house will smell of onions. You will smell of onions. Your skin will have an onion SHEEN. (I hate this part.) Once they’re nice and brown, take them off the burner then run upstairs for a shower.



    2. Put the garlic and chives in a food processor and pulse. Then add in all the remaining ingredients and pulse until it’s smooth. Taste, add some kosher salt and some pepper.

    3. Put in a pretty bowl and refrigerate.




    Serve with potato chips and/or root chips. Also good with pita chips. I bet it’d be great on a veggie sandwich with olives, roasted bell peppers, and basil. Ohmygod. I think…that last idea just made my loins quiver.

    A good dip will do that to you.

    Make. You. Quiver.

    Chip Dip
    Recipe type: Dips, Summer, Cold Dip, Chip Dip
    Prep time: 
    Cook time: 
    Total time: 
    This is a dip. A delicious, addictive dip.
    • 1 tablespoon olive oil
    • 1 medium yellow onion, medium dice (about 2 cups)
    • 1 medium garlic clove, finely chopped
    • 1 cup sour cream
    • 4 ounces goat cheese
    • chives to taste
    • salt and pepper to taste
    1. Caramelize onions in olive oil on a low heat for 10-20 minutes, until onions are soft, sweet, and golden brown.
    2. Chop garlic and chives in food processor.
    3. Add remaining ingredients and cooked onions and blend until smooth.
    4. Refrigerate at least an hour before serving.


  3. Tomato Bruschetta–My Favorite Dip

    April 9, 2014 by admin

    Brilliant. Simple. Delicious. Bruschetta.

    Brilliant. Simple. Delicious. Bruschetta.

    I had to check the website about a dozen times, but I can’t believe I never posted my favorite dip. Maybe I didn’t post it because there’s really no official recipe, and it’s not really a dip. Maybe I didn’t post it because it’s so simple. All of that is ridiculous. This is one of my favorite dishes, and is one of the recipes that got me to actually like tomatoes. There’s a combination of flavors: sweet, salty, slightly bitter. A combination of textures: smooth, crunchy. Add a little basil and use heirloom tomatoes at the height of the tomato season, and you’ll probably have a foodgasm while eating.

    When tomatoes aren’t in season, I use cherry tomatoes since they have a little more flavor.

    There’s no official recipe, but here is one anyway. Amounts vary on how much you have on hand, how much you want to make, etc. You can make this Vegan by skipping the cheese. If you want to make it Carnivore, add bacon. Whatever.  This works great for a party, but I eat this a lot on its own for lunch or dinner. Beautiful with a glass of wine.

    Tomato Bruschetta--My Favorite Dip
    Recipe type: appetizer, vegetarian
    A simple treat to spoon over grilled bread.
    • Tomatoes
    • Garlic
    • Olive Oil
    • Kosher Salt
    • Parmesan Cheese (optional)
    • Basil (optional)
    1. Dice tomatoes. Sprinkle with kosher salt and stir. Set aside to bring out juices.
    2. Crush garlic and finely dice. Add to tomatoes.
    3. Pour in olive oil until things look a little juicy.
    4. Toast sliced bread. You can use a toaster, or cook in a 425 oven for 5-6 minutes, or broil for a minute or so.
    5. Spoon tomatoes over bread and sprinkle with fresh Parmesan and basil.


    Ingredients: tomatoes, garlic, bread, olive oil, salt.

    Ingredients: tomatoes, garlic, bread, olive oil, salt.


    Dice the tomatoes.

    Dice the tomatoes.


    Sprinkle with Kosher salt and set aside. This will bring out flavor and the juice.

    Sprinkle with Kosher salt and set aside. This will bring out flavor and the juice.

    Add finely chopped garlic. Start with one clove. Add more if you want more kick.

    Add finely chopped garlic. Start with one clove. Add more if you want more kick.


    Add enough olive oil until things start looking juicy.

    Add enough olive oil until things start looking juicy.


    Spoon onto toasted bread. Sprinkle with cheese. Kick back. Enjoy.

    Spoon onto toasted bread. Sprinkle with cheese. Kick back. Enjoy.


    You can also serve goat cheese with pesto spooned over it and topped with a sundries tomato. The colors are amazing!


  4. Tuscan Chickpeas Spread

    April 6, 2014 by admin

    Tuscan Chickpea Spread

    Tuscan Chickpea Spread


    I bought a bunch of chick peas at Costco for eventual hummus/curry making, and I haven’t done either, mostly because I didn’t want to smell like garlic and onions. It’s spring, and I’d like to smell good for a while. What to do with an eight pack of chick peas then? That put me on the search to find a dip that wasn’t hummus. Not that I’m against hummus. I love it–but–hummus is EVERYWHERE.

    I found this recipe in one of my favorite cookbooks: “Barefoot Contessa Foolproof“. I really like her earthy, delicious, sometimes decadent recipes. This one is on the healthy side. I give it 3 out of 5 pretzels because while it’s good and will appeal to your healthy side, if there’s a bubbly cheesy dip next to it, I can almost guarantee that you’ll have leftovers of this one. That said, if you like chickpeas (and I do) you’ll like this spread. And you’ll feel all sophisticated spooning it onto crusty bread and sipping your glass of wine.

    If you’re throwing a party, consider this instead of hummus, just to shake things up.

    Tuscan Chickpeas Spread
    Recipe type: Spread
    Prep time: 
    Cook time: 
    Total time: 
    Serves: 4-6
    An earthy sophisticated spread for your inner-vegetarian or hipster. Recipe is easily halved if you only want a small batch.
    • 2 (15.5-ounce) cans chickpeas, preferably Goya
    • ½ cup chicken stock, preferably homemade
    • 3 tablespoons good olive oil, plus extra for serving
    • 2 ripe medium-size tomatoes, seeded and small-diced
    • 2 cloves garlic, minced
    • ¼ cup freshly grated Parmesan cheese
    • 3 tablespoons minced flat-leaf parsley
    • 2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
    • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
    • Grilled country bread for serving
    1. Pour the chickpeas into a colander and rinse them under cold running water. Drain well. Place the chickpeas in the bowl of a food processor fitted with the steel blade. Add the chicken stock and pulse until the chickpeas are coarsely pureed.
    2. In a medium (10-inch) saute pan, heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil over medium heat. Add the tomato and saute for 3 to 4 minutes, until the tomato is softened. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute more. Add the chickpeas, stirring to combine with the tomatoes and garlic. Cook for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until heated through.
    3. Off the heat, stir in the Parmesan, parsley, lemon juice, 2 teaspoons salt, and 1 teaspoon pepper and taste for seasonings.
    4. Pile in a serving bowl, drizzle with extra olive oil, and serve with shards of grilled country bread.
    5. Read more at:


    Here are your ingredients. Owl salt shaker, optional.

    Here are your ingredients. Owl salt shaker, optional.


    Chick peas in your food processor. (I also used this to cut the tomatoes because I'm lazy.)

    Chick peas in your food processor. (I also used this to cut the tomatoes because I’m lazy.)


    Pulse coarsely. If you pulverize them, you'll enter Hummusland.

    Pulse coarsely. If you pulverize them, you’ll enter Hummusland.


    Cook your chopped tomatoes and then add garlic. The sizzle is lovely.

    Cook your chopped tomatoes and then add garlic. The sizzle is lovely.


    Add your coarse chickpeas and cook. It's starting to look pretty gorgeous.

    Add your coarse chickpeas and cook. It’s starting to look pretty gorgeous.


    Take it off the heat, add the rest of the ingredients, stir, and then set up your photo shoot. Enjoy!

    Take it off the heat, add the rest of the ingredients, stir, and then set up your photo shoot. Enjoy!


    If you have a lot leftover, maybe add your chickpea spread into a pita bread and slather on chutney. Mmmm. Instant sandwich.




  5. Spring Vegetable and Goat Cheese Dip

    March 20, 2014 by admin

    Spring Dip 8

    Oh, I have missed my sweet dip blog. Here’s a recipe that I found on Epicurious, originally published in Bon Appetit. It takes a little bit of effort, since you have to pre-cook the asparagus and make (essentially) a béchamel sauce. We really enjoyed it though and the hint of lemon with the asparagus and sweet peas does promise that spring is coming. I served it with Ritz crackers, but it’d be great with pita chips or bruschetta. You need a sturdy dipper for this, since it’s pretty hearty. Hubs added the leftovers into his omelet the next morning. Enjoy!


    For the full recipe, please go here: Spring Vegetable and Goat Cheese Dip Recipe


    This one was a little bit of work, but I found puttering in the kitchen and making this while listening to my Pandora Jazz Standards station to be really relaxing. I sort of thought of myself as some kind of sorceress summoning spring.


    Spring Dip Ingredients


    You’ll need pantry staples like flour, butter, frozen peas, lemon, and milk. Shopping list stuff: Leeks, can of artichoke hearts in water, goat cheese, white cheddar, asparagus, and if you feel fancy get some fresh herbs of mint and chives. I did not feel fancy. I felt lazy, so I skipped the herbs. I’m sure they’d add a lot. Pre-cook your asparagus. You can blanch it or roast it in the oven. I roasted it and ate half of it as a snack and set aside the other half.

    Sautee your sliced leeks and then add flour and milk. This is the part where I started feeling like a sorceress.

    Milk, flour, and onions pre-alchemy.

    Milk, flour, and onions pre-alchemy.

    You bring it to a simmer and then wait for that sauce to get nice and thick.


    Action shot!

    Action shot!

    Take it off the stove and add you cheddar that you’ve already shredded, stir that. Then add in all your delicious veggies, lemon zest, etc. Save a little goat cheese (or extra goat cheese) to sprinkle on top. I forgot to do this and I regret it.

    Spring Dip 4


    Spring Dip 5

    I want to put my face in this.


    Stir everything. Or actually, you FOLD it in, but whatever. FOLDING is just a stuck-up way of stirring. Then put it in your favorite dip pot. My favorite dip pot is a pottery bowl my lovely Aunt got for me in Empire.

    Spring Dip 6


    Then you bake it and wait for it to get some nice color on it. Now, I think I like the way it looks better before I baked it. I think if I made this again, I’d top it with some panko crumbs that I mixed with olive oil and a little salt to give it a nice color and crunch.

    Spring Dip 7


    It’ll boil and bubble like it’s in a cauldron, so you’ll want to wait a good five to ten minutes before digging in. I think the recipe says cook it for twenty minutes, but I tend to cook my dips for about thirty minutes. It just seems to be the magic number.

    Serve up some wine and crackers and toast spring:

    Spring Dip 8


    Here’s how the food stylists made it look. This is from the original recipe. To get THIS look, you’d probably need shellac and shortening. OR, maybe, don’t pre-bake your asparagus as long as I did, and add those dollops of goat cheese to the top.

    Screen Shot 2014-03-20 at 7.06.21 AM


    Good luck, enjoy, and let me know if there are any dips you want me to try.

  6. Baked Fontina With Garlic And Herbs

    February 8, 2013 by admin

    Fontina Dip with garlic slices, herbs, and olive oil.

    Fontina Dip with garlic slices, herbs, and olive oil.

    Today marks my return to the Dips, Balls, and Logs Blog! Woohoo! Coming soon…posts on Chili Cheese Dip, BBQ Pork Steamed Buns, and Mushroom Dip. Today, it’s Baked Fontina With Garlic And Herbs, which won my spontaneous poll on my website as the dip you most wanted to see.

    This dip is super easy, delicious, cheesy, and great if you have PMS or your drunk. That’s because it’s not really a dip at all. NO. It’s melted cheese. Let me say that again: MELTED CHEESE.

    It’s also delightful. It smells fragrant and green and if you make it, you may want to lock yourself in a room with some candles, a loaf of bread, this dip, and…well…I’ll leave the rest of that list up to you. Enjoy.




    Baked Fontina With Garlic And Herbs
    Recipe type: Appetizer
    Cuisine: Cheese, Dairy
    Prep time: 
    Cook time: 
    Total time: 
    Serves: 6
    Melted cheese that's gooey and sinful and lovely.
    • 1½ lbs Italian fontina, rind removed and cubed
    • 6 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
    • 1 tablespoon fresh thyme, chopped
    • 1 teaspoon fresh rosemary, chopped
    • 3 tablespoons olive oil
    • kosher salt
    • pepper
    1. Adjust top rack of the oven so that it sits about five inches under the broiler. Preheat broiler.
    2. Spread cheese into cast iron pan. Drizzle with olive oil.
    3. Mix herbs and garlic and sprinkle over cheese and olive oil.
    4. Season with kosher salt and pepper.
    5. Bake for 6 minutes, or until melted, bubbly and slightly golden.


    Simple ingredients. In fact, you don't even have to follow the recipe. Just eyeball it.

    Simple ingredients. In fact, you don’t even have to follow the recipe. Just eyeball it.


    Add the diced cheese and drizzle liberally with olive oil.

    Add the diced cheese and drizzle liberally with olive oil.


    Top with herbs, sliced garlic, and salt & pepper.

    Top with herbs, sliced garlic, and salt & pepper.


    Bake until golden and bubbly and luscious.

    Broil for 6 minutes, or until golden and bubbly and luscious.


    Broil for 6 minutes, or until golden and luscious.


    Please Pin, share, tweet, make it, eat it with others, and let me know what you think.





  7. Christmas Tree Meatloaf (aka Holiday Phallus)

    December 23, 2012 by admin

    Christmas Meatloaf

    Ah, Christmas. You know, nothing says Christmas to me like shaping a loaf into a slightly phallic, yet festive, shape. Keeping this in mind, I decided to make a Christmas Tree Meatloaf. Originally, I was going to color the mashed potatoes green, but everyone in my house vetoed that. They said plain mashed potatoes would suggest snow. (I think they’re messing with me.)

    Great thing about this: you don’t need a recipe! You just need some meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a little bit of butter. In fact, I’ll just show you how I put it together. You don’t even need words, which is great, especially if you’re making this for dinner while drinking spiked egg nog.

    From my heart to yours, may your holiday season be like a good meatloaf: slightly kitschy, a little bit awkward, and deeply comforting.

    Here, then, the PROCESS:


    Christmas Meatloaf 1


    Christmas Meatloaf 2


    Christmas Meatloaf 3



    Christmas Meatloaf 4



    Christmas Meatloaf 5



    Christmas Meatloaf 6


    Christmas Meatloaf 7


    Christmas Meatloaf 8



    Christmas Meatloaf




  8. Olive Cheese Ball Bites

    December 9, 2012 by admin


    These are a classic from my childhood. I’m pretty sure it’s some recipe from the 1950s, but I have no proof of that. It just FEELS like a 1950s recipe. These are easy to make, and fun to do with your kids. I used to help my mom. If they can’t handle forming the ball around the olive, they can at least flatten the dough out in their hands and you can wrap the olive.

    Doughy, crispy, with a bit of the salty olive center = SO GOOD! Of course, I’m bias, because I remember making these and watching reruns of Laurence Welk shows. (I was a strange kid. My favorite childhood shows: Perry Mason, Star Trek, Star Search, and Laurence Welk.) So, fair warning.

    Olive Cheese Ball Bites
    Recipe type: Appetizer
    Cuisine: Balls
    Prep time: 
    Cook time: 
    Total time: 
    Serves: 8
    Crisp, chewy, slightly salty balls of wonder. And only a few ingredients. (You can also freeze these before cooking.)
    • 2 cups sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
    • 1 ¼ cup flour
    • ½ cup butter, melted (1 stick)
    • Sprinkle of paprika (optional)
    • Green olives, drained
    1. Mix cheese and flour and paprika. Add butter and mix well.
    2. Take a tablespoon or so of the mixture and work in hand until it forms a dough; shape around an olive. Place 2” apart on greased baking sheet. Chill 1 hour.
    3. Heat oven to 400. Bake 15-20 minutes. Balls will brown slightly on top and at the bottom.


    And the process in color photos!:


    Just 4 ingredients. 5 if you use Paprika.


    Mix flour, cheese, and paprika. Add in warm melted butter. Stir.


    It’ll look like this. Don’t worry if it doesn’t make a stiff dough. The heat of your hands and playing with the dough will make it pliable. So, no gloves on this one.



    Squeeze a tablespoon or so of dough in your hand, flatten, add your olive.


    Roll and pinch dough around olive.


    Put on a tray and chill for at least an hour. You can also freeze them at this point and bake later.


    Bake for 15-20 minutes. I didn’t let them chill long enough, so they flattened a little. Still, you can see the bottom with crisp, and the inside will still be a little soft. Oh, baby!


    There you go! Olive Ball BITES! Perfect for that retro party. Serve with martinis and pineapple and water chestnuts wrapped in bacon (I’ll post to blog soon), and a cheese ball, and marinated mozzarella on sticks and…I could on and on.





  9. Turkey Croquettes (AKA Demon Balls AKA Amazing Poultry Balls of Wonder)

    December 1, 2012 by admin

    Croquettes (aka Demon Balls)

    I’ll tell you straight up with this recipe: It’s a pain in the ass. And it’s worth it. But it’s a pain. If you’re pretty confident in the kitchen, then I think you can handle it, but you’ll probably want to drink wine while making it if you get annoyed by a lot of steps or are easily panicked. And if you’re drinking lots of wine when making this (like I am sometimes guilty of) then you should probably have someone else do the frying, as long as it’s not your senile grandma.

    These are terrific. It’s an old school recipe from The Joy of Cooking, and it’s sort of like eating deep fried creamy comfort. Or a deep fried pot pie. I make this every Thanksgiving or Christmas with leftover  turkey, but I’ve also made it with rotisserie chicken. Not for the faint of heart, but whoever you feed this to will probably fall a little bit in love with your ability to comfort. Fair warning: they may want to suckle you afterward. Depending on who wants to suckle and just exactly WHAT they want to suckle, will determine if this is a good thing or not.

    And now…The Recipe From HELL. (But a delicious HELL.)

    You will need to make this recipe in steps:

    1. Prepare the turkey
    2. Prep the binding sauce
    3. Mix turkey and sauce
    4. Chill
    5. Shape your balls
    6. Fry

    5.0 from 1 reviews
    Turkey Croquettes
    Recipe type: Main Dish
    Prep time: 
    Cook time: 
    Total time: 
    Serves: 4
    First prep the turkey, then fold in the Veloute sauce.
    • Veloute Sauce (prepared separately)
    • 2½ cups chopped, skinless cooked turkey or chicken
    • ¼ cup chopped parsley
    • ½ teaspoon dried thyme
    • ⅛ teaspoon nutmeg
    • salt and pepper to taste
    • 1½ cups panko bread crumbs
    • ½ cup flour
    • 2 eggs
    1. Pulse poultry in a food processor a few times until nice and small. Toss with seasonings in a bowl and set aside.
    2. Prepare Veloute sauce. Recipe to follow. Fold Veloute sauce into turkey mixture.
    3. Cover with plastic wrap, placing top of plastic wrap directly on mixture to prevent a skin from forming.
    4. Chill until cold and firm, at least two hours.
    5. Drop ¼ cup croqutte mixture in flour, roll. Drop into egg. Roll. Drop into panko breadcrumbs. Roll.
    6. Fry croquettes until golden brown.


    For the Veloute Sauce (Binding Sauce)

    1 Tablespoon butter

    1 cup minced onions (use food processor)

    2 tablespoons butter

    2 tablespoons flour

    1 1/4 cup chicken stock


    1. Slowly cook onions in 1 tablespoon butter until nice and golden. Set aside.

    2. In separate pan, melt butter and stir in flour and cook for 5-6 minutes on low heat, until it starts to get golden and you have this rich smell wafting toward you.

    3. Add in stock, whisking constantly. Cook over medium-low heat until it is thick enough to coat the back of the spoon. The recipe says this will take about 20 minutes, but I never know how long it takes because I’m too busy being annoyed and waiting for the sauce to thicken. It will thicken though.

    4. Once thick, add in your onions and cook one minute.

    5. Add into your turkey mixture and chill.


    So what does this all look like in pictures? It looks like a nightmare, but here are the steps in Technicolor:


    A food processor will save you a lot of work. Just put your chicken in…

    …and PULSE until it looks like this. I then rinse it out and do the same things to the onions and set aside.

    Add your seasonings. I ran out of parsley. Boo. 🙁

    Set the turkey mixture aside and work on your roux. First, butter and flour and whisk like you’ve got a terrible itch…


    It’ll start to get all bubbly. Keep whisking. That itch doesn’t go away until it all settles down, relaxes, and you start to smell the faint aroma of browned butter. Sadly, this doesn’t happen if you’re scratching an actual itch.


    Then add in your broth and keep whisking and stirring until it’s nice and thick. Then add your cooked onions. Then combine it with your turkey mixture. Your sauce will look thick and luscious like this.


    Mix it all up, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate and go do something for a couple of hours. (At this point, you could also add a little milk to the mixture, toss with pasta and add some crunchy topping and cook for a tettrazini type thing.)


    Now the fun part. Shaping your balls. I wear gloves. I ALWAYS wear gloves when I touch balls because, ew. Balls.

    Roll ball in flour. Use a bigger bowl then I did, or you’ll hate yourself.

    Roll floured ball in egg. It starts to get slimy and just plain weird. Don’t think about it. Just keep going. Hold your breath if you need to. This part will be over soon.


    Blanket those puppies in a comforting layer of Panko.

    See! They’re only slightly misshapen. You can start breathing again.


    I like to fry two practice mini-balls. Then you can taste them and make sure you won’t kill anyone by serving them this. (And you can fit two in your mouth, but let them cool first.)

    Coquettes are in the Fire Pit Of Hot Oil. Don’t cook too many at a time. You will anger the Gods.


    And here they are! Golden brown!! Serve with cranberry sauce or gravy, or just on their own. I didn’t actually eat the spinach. That was just to add color. They really are terrific, and people will be impressed by your kitchen prowess. Or finesse. Or whatever. They’ll be eating warm, creamy delicious balls that are so gold they’re called CROQUETTES.

  10. Nacho Cheeseball (That Looks Like A Pumpkin)

    September 24, 2012 by admin

    I saw this recipe in Food Network Magazine, looked in my fridge, and since we’d just had tacos the other night, I had all the ingredients on hand. It’s really easy and achingly cute. I mean, it’s a PUMPKIN. Made of cheese. Oh, god. Be still my heart. I added the pumpkin face because I just happened to have a purple pepper on hand. I think the pumpkin face is key to achieve a certain high level of cuteness. Plus, this ball is TASTY…and you can put your kid to work in making it.

    Cutest cheese ball ever.


    5.0 from 1 reviews
    Nacho Cheeseball (That Looks Like A Pumpkin)
    Recipe type: Appetizer, Ball, Easy
    Cuisine: Cheese, Vegetarian
    Prep time: 
    Total time: 
    A super cute cheese ball perfect for Halloween or Thanksgiving.
    • 16 ounces room temperature cream cheese
    • 1½ cups shredded cheddar
    • 3 tablespoons minced onion
    • 2 tablespoons salsa
    • 2 teaspoons ground cumin
    • 1 teaspoon minced jalapeño
    • Crushed Doritos
    • 1 bell pepper
    1. With a mixer, blend all ingredients until incorporated.
    2. Form into ball and wrap in plastic wrap. Put in fridge for at least two hours.
    3. Unwrap, roll in crushed Doritos, and decorate with pepper top and eye and mouth shapes.


    It’s that easy!


    And here’s the recipe again, in Technicolor.


    Gather ye ingredients while ye may…


    …Throw it all in a mixing bowl and blend.



    Cheese ball guts. MMmm.


    Form it into a ball. I used plastic gloves because I’m a wuss.



    Put your kid to work grinding the Doritos down.


    (It’s not child labor if you don’t pay them.)



    Dorito dust. (Do NOT snort it.)


    Roll your ball with tender love and then decorate.


    Adorable pumpkin ready to be sliced and devoured. Hmm. That’s slightly creepy. That’s what you get for being made of cheese, though.


    PS I halved the recipe to make this, and it still worked great. I want to try heating some of the ball up, but I’m a little scared of liquifying the little critter. Ah well. It will be a glorious fate for a cheese ball.